Category: Reflections

Something I Like About Weddings…

Amy and  I went to a wedding this weekend…our friends Ramon and Rachel exchanged vows and became man and wife.

There are a million things I love about weddings, and as I get older I get more and more emotional at weddings, and here’s why…

Marriage shapes us. It shapes our character. If we jump in with both feet and submit to the “other” marriage changes us…we allow someone else to be the authority in our lives and to speak truth to us…to mirror back to us who we really are.

It is incredibly humbling and has the potential to be transformative.

I love that.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking to Ramon over the years about marriage. About why I married Amy. About why I think marriage is great and why I am “pro-marriage” (as I like to say). We argued about it. Ramon said people didn’t need to get married…it was an old-fashioned institution.

In the end though, he went for it. They are going for it. And I am excited because I can see the change already. My prayer is they stick with the process, they continue to submit to and love each other, and that they embrace the adventure. Because it is beautiful.

Transitions, Tiny Overalls, and Not Being in a Hurry

I finished Rhett Smith’s excellent book The Anxious Christian this weekend. I picked it up for Amy (because it was written by her college pastor at Bel Air Press, not because of anxiety!). One of the best chapters in the book is called “Welcoming Uncertainty” and in it Rhett talks about one of my favorite personal topics (or rants): God works through stages, through a process.

He uses the story of Israel in the wilderness to make this point (From the wilderness of Sin the whole congregation of the Israelites journeyed by stages, Ex 17:1 NRSV). I usually like to use the Abraham story, but it’s the same idea:

We are constantly moving from one big transition to another. At moments we may experience a respite from the journey, but that doesn’t alter the fact that life is rooted in the wilderness experience of continuous transition and choice.

Transitions are scary and difficult, but this is often the exact place we need to be for God do his work in us. It is, as Rhett says, “that place where we are shaped and transformed.”

I’m reminded over and over again that transitions don’t disappear just because you are done with school, or settled into a job, or because you got married. They just keep coming!

Today I discovered that we now have this in our house:

Tiny overalls and other clothing items for a really small person are accumulating in our loft. A reminder that we are facing a big transition. Which raises all kids of questions: Will the baby be healthy…are we ready for this…will we be good parents?

We just want to fast forward to the end and know everything is going to be fine (or if it isn’t then at least we can brace ourselves for the impact).

But God works in a process…in stages. We are in a hurry, God is not. “The greatest temptation of our time,” writes Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy, “is impatience.”

No shortcuts, no one step answers to a happy and fulfilled life. The Israelites “left and camped” 41 times in the Exodus story. This is not the last transition for us. Not by a long shot.

It is exactly in those in-between spaces of time…that God shapes us into the people He wants us to become. It is in these times that we should strive to learn what He is trying to teach us.

Amen.

Some Thoughts on Jeremiah

This past week, in Joplin, our students spent some time with Jeremiah…hearing about his life: his struggles and triumphs and what makes a great life.

Stephen Lutz says that Jeremiah 29:11 is the most quoted/most popular verse among college students. It goes like this:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Good stuff. Encouraging. But, too often we forget about 29:10

“When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place.”

Exile. Dislocation. (Long) Suffering.

These always go together, and the mature person can hold them in tension. The exile and the return home. The seventy long years and the promise of rescue. The suffering and the hope.

Jeremiah lived a great life, but it is was only great because of the tremendous challenges he faced, and the faithfulness to God he demonstrated over a lifetime.

And may that be true of us as well.

Some Thoughts on Generosity

I taught this weekend at [REUNION] Back Bay on Luke 16. Which is, like, one of the easiest passages in scripture to preach on. Just kidding. This section of the Good News According to Luke includes: the parable of the shrewd manager (is Jesus telling us to use money to buy friends?), some statements about faithfulness/self-justification/forcing ones way in to the Kingdom/the law never passing away/divorce, and the parable of Lazarus and the rich man (with its interesting view of the afterlife). Light stuff.

The big idea, as best I can make out, is this: use everything at your disposal (including your financial resources) to invest in things that last.

Which gave me an opportunity to share one of my favorite stories: the story of the house I grew up in. The short version goes like this: my parents move the fam to Salinas to plant a church…a contractor friend tells them to find a piece of land and he will build a house on it…they find some land…he builds the house!

The pinnacle moment of the story takes place on May 4th, 1985 when 70+ people wearing bright yellow “Boutry’s Barn Raising” t-shirts come pouring out of a bus to frame, roof, and side the entire house in one day.

It’s a great story. This is what it looks like to leverage your time, talents, resources, money, skills, networks, etc for the Kingdom.

But it’s an even better story when you (I) think about this: for the last 27 years my parents have always treated their home as a gift. They call it the “house that friends built.” And they have hosted thousands of people for every imaginable reason: community groups, newcomer desserts and lunches, discipleship, helping people in need, family gatherings, wedding rehearsal dinner parties, my college friends, missionaries, and the list could go on and on and on.

I think this is what Jesus is getting at in Luke 16 (albeit in an interesting way). And so, the story of my parents house, alongside Luke 16, is an inspiration, but also a challenge: am I using everything I’ve been entrusted with for the Kingdom?

Some Things I Learned From My Wife Who Is a Physical Therapist

My amazing wife is a Doctor of Physical Therapy. Her work world is very different from mine in some ways and, yet, eerily similar in others. I learn a lot of things from her. Like this:

Most people, when given the option between a 12 week PT plan of exercises and a surgical procedure, will take the surgical procedure.

Now, I am not anti-surgery…there are wonderful things that can only be done by a surgeon, and certain diseases/situations can only be combated on the surgeon’s table.

What I am talking about here are issues that can be solved either way. And in most cases the PT program actually has higher success rates and is a better predictor of future health. Plus, surgery, even minor surgery, is always risky!

But, PT involves 12 weeks of work. Hard work. And it involves changing some life patterns, like diet, for example. It does not, however, involve anesthesia or having your body cut open.

Again and again, though, people will choose surgery.

A quick fix. Don’t make me give up my dunkin donuts!

There are a million applications to the “spiritual life” here, but I won’t go in to all of them (I’ll save them for an illustration later!).

It’s a fascinating study in human nature…A Long Obedience never seems to be the most compelling option.

Any thoughts?

On That Which is Right in Front of Us

Yesterday I shared some pictures from Sojourn’s Spring ReadRetreatServe. For the “read” part of the day, students wrestled with three different perspective on the “act justly” clause of Micah 6:8.

One of the readings was from John Perkins’ book With Justice For All where he outlines the basics of his classic 3 “R’s” for Christian Community Development. One line stood out to me and framed my preparation for the day. Perkins says:

How can we claim to be loyal to Christ’s mission when we flee the mission field at our doorstep.

A couple of thoughts about this…One, we always think the grass is greener on the other side. It’s so much easier to be missional “over there.” Sometimes “over there” is the place we go on a “missions trip.” Sometimes it is the place where we volunteer. Sometimes it is even church. Often it is a form of escapism. It’s easier to go somewhere and get loved on by kids for a day than to deal with our cranky co-worker who makes fun of us for going to church on Sundays.

So, part of this is a call to see where we are: our workplace, our neighborhood, our campus, as our mission field. This is where we are, this is where we do life…live the Kingdom there!

Second, though, is this: sometimes we avoid going because we are comfortable where we are, it’s scary “over there”, the wrong people live over there, etc. So we hide out where we are to avoid getting messy. We hide out at church, in our small groups, and in our activities instead of actually getting to know people who are far from God who live next to us, who work with us, who sit in class alongside us.

So, part of this is a call to take a risk and move outside the walls of comfort.

I needed to hear this. Living in East Boston, it can be easy to see my “mission” field as the campus and the neighborhood simply as a place to live. It can be easy to get frustrated with people who just want to hang out with other people who look like them. I make excuses. I justify myself.

But I live in two worlds, the campus and the neighborhood, and I am called to live faithfully in both places. The kingdom is present and active in both places. Do I see it and do I join it? Not as much as I would like.

Saturday was a good reminder: do not flee the mission field at my doorstep.

Man…*

Here’s an interesting couple of verses in Luke:

Someone in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide my inheritance with me.” Jesus replied, “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?” (Luke 12:13-14, TNIV)

Some context: Jesus goes on to talk at length about money and possessions and worry. About trust and generosity. The thrust of the passage is to be “rich towards God“…his purposes, his Kingdom.

But, if you read that reply in a certain tone, you get the impression that Jesus, as blasphemous as it might seem, was kind of annoyed with this guy. As in, “come on man,” don’t you see that there are bigger things going on here than how you divide your inheritance with your brother.

Jesus was welcoming, hospitable, and compassionate. But he was also protective of his mission and priorities. The Word did not become flesh to settle petty disputes. He knew where he was going and was not going to get sidetracked.

As ministers, leaders, pastors, we  want to help people. That’s why most of us get in to this work. When someone comes to us and wants our help, our natural tendency is to say “yes”. This is the work we signed up to do, after all. But not every ask moves the mission forward…not every idea is the right idea for right now…some things people can (or need) to figure out on their own.

I find Jesus’ response strangely encouraging. But also challenging because I want to help everyone. Anyone else struggle with this?

*For the sake of full disclosure, the essence of this idea is stolen from a talk Rob Bell did in the poets, prophets, and preachers series but his emphasis was narrower, focusing on how people respond to sermons.

Pink Hats and Posers*

If the Patriots won on Sunday night, then I guarantee you that thousands of people (who had suddenly become Pats fans) would take the streets of Boston in riotous bliss. (It still happened at Amherst anyway).
Around the rest of the country this is known as being a “bandwagon” fan, but here in Boston we have an even more caustic and derogatory term for this phenomenon.Bandwagon fans here are referred to as “Pink Hats”.

The Pink Hat’s first appeared at Fenway Park in 2005 (as far as I know), the year after the Red Sox won their first World Series in 86 years.

A “pink hat” is the easiest way to spot a Poser…someone who is not a TRUE FAN. A “True Fan” is someone who has been through all the ups and downs, all the losing seasons, who has been to a million games…someone who has invested blood, sweat, and tears in to the team.

It’s funny though, the difference between a True fan, and a “pink hat”, isn’t that much. At the end of the day, neither one of them are REALLY on the team! They both pay for tickets, they both buy stuff from the team store, they both watch from the stands, and neither of them have had to catch a Tom Brady pass or try to hit a baseball over the Green Monster.

The Pink Hat isn’t the problem. The problem is the true fan thinks the pink hat hasn’t earned it…they are a poser, a hypocrite…

It is incredibly easy to slip into the trap of hypocrisy…which is why Jesus gives his disciples such a strong warning in Luke 12.

Our inner life and our outer life are NEVER in complete sync.We are never as true to our convictions as we’d like, we’re not always as honest as we want everyone else to be, and we sometimes pretend to be one way to hide the fact that inside we don’t actually feel it or believe it or live up to our own ideals.

In one way or another every human being is a hypocrite. As much as we want to believe that we are the true fans, we still wear pink hats…

Options, Sabbath, and Saying NO

The more I work with students the more overwhelmed I become at the number of options they have to choose from. Literally, everything (class, living situations, activities, what to eat for dinner) is a decision from among multiple options.

Most students don’t struggle with filling up their schedules, they struggle with saying yes and no to the right things.

If I’m being honest, I have the same struggle. Amy and I could be involved in a churchy opportunity (to quote Nacho Libre) every day and/or night of the week (and some weeks we are).

The question is almost never one of finding a good options, it’s trying to figure out, to discern, what is the best option. Many of us solve this problem by saying yes to everything.

Or maybe (if it’s a Facebook event). We all struggle with saying no. Maybe that’s why Jesus said this.

Saying no is important, even vital, for life.

—–

My friend has been telling about his teenage daughter and the struggle with being “on” all the time. Thanks to phones, Facebook, etc the only time she is ever “off” is when she is asleep.

As a result, the burden of carrying a constant emotional weight can be crushing. They’ve instituted a “no-phone-or-computer-after-8-pm” policy (it’s voluntary but appreciated). I’m trying to do a similar thing. It’s hard.

But it’s a no that opens up the possibility of saying yes to some really good things.

—–

Sabbath is a Christian practice in saying yes and no. Often, though, it is framed as saying no to work.

It’s more layered than that, though. It’s saying no to finding our identity in work, in production, in achievement, in connection. Walking away from work (or the phone, or the blog, or the inbox) for a time frees us from slavery to those things.

Which is beautiful. But even one more layer down, it is a reminder that the world goes round without me pushing it. People will be ok without me. God is in control.

—–

I stink at saying no. I would much rather just say yes to everything. Have all the experiences I can have. Keep everyone happy. Not miss out on anything.

But I distort my own importance and tell myself (and others) that the world revolves around me if I don’t say no, even to good things.

What do you need to say no to?

“Busy is the symptom not of commitment but of betrayal…not of devotion but of defection.” – Eugene Peterson

An ode to the 49ers

Last Saturday, when Beth was here, we headed out with some friends to McGreevy’s to watch the 49ers take on the Saints. I have become a full on 49er cynic over the past decade, so I had no hopes of a victory…just wishing for a good game. My non-expert opinion about the 49ers on January 14th was that they were a nice story with some good players, a great defense, a coach who was leading them in the right direction, but a likely inflated 13-3 record. No way they beat a “real” team with a “real” quarterback like the Saints and Drew Brees.

But they won and they won in epic fashion and suddenly I was swept into full on nostalgia mode.

Here’s the deal: I love baseball. If I could only take one professional sport with me to a deserted island I would take baseball. But the thing I’ve realized with the 49ers here recently is how deeply the niners (and football) are ingrained in my sporting memory. I don’t know that I enjoy sports as much as I do today without the 49ers.

The first sporting event that I really remember in great detail is the 49ers-Bengals super bowl with “the drive” (49ers won 20-16 on a last second Montana to Taylor touchdown pass). I literally remember almost everything about that game.

I also remember in great detail the next season (89/90), when the Niners dominated professional football and capped the year off with a 55-10 pounding of the Broncos in the Super Bowl.

And I remember the next season as well (90/91)…I remember going to the Monday night game that pitted the 10-1 49ers vs. the 10-1 NY Giants. I remember being freezing cold and the Niners winning a brutal 7-3 slugfest. That game was huge because it gave the 49ers the inside track to home field advantage for the playoffs.

And I remember the rematch in the NFC Championship game when the Giants won 15-13 on five field goals. In 8 quarters the Giants never scored a touchdown against the 49ers that season. I remember watching that last second field goal go through the uprights and thinking it was a mistake. In my 10-year-old world, the 49ers DID NOT lose. It couldn’t be real.

That game was the first time I had ever felt utterly devastated after a loss. I was too young to remember the SF Giants meltdown against the Cardinals in 1987 NLCS. And while losing the 1989 World Series to the A’s was a bummer, that whole experience was defined by the Loma-Prieta earthquake. Even as a nine-year old I knew bigger and more important things were going on. Plus the 49ers were well on their way to winning another Super Bowl.

That 1990 team, the team that certainly could have/should have become the only team to win 3 straight super bowls, was my first genuine sports heartbreak. It prepared me thoroughly for what the Giants would do to me over the next 20 years. And it tought me to cherish championships because they do not come every year, even though it felt that way as 10-year-old 49er fan.

Furthermore, the Niners were a family tradition. My grandfather loved them , my dad loved them, his brothers loved them. Stories were told of trecks to old Kezar Stadium. We watched plenty of games at my grandparents house back in the day. Those are some of my most vivid extended family memories.

The 49ers played on Sunday and we had a lot to do on Sunday as a pastor’s family, so there was something beautiful about listening to the first couple of drives on the radio on the way home from church and then the fam crashing in the family room around the TV to cheer on the team that would win almost every week.

So, watching Alex Smith lead the team to a last-minute victory, watching Candlestick Park explode with euphoria…those images unlocked some deep memories and powerful waves of nostalgia.

But here’s the other thing I’ve learned. I’m a baseball guy. I’m bummed the Niners lost on Sunday and won’t be going for their 6th Super Bowl in my life time. I’m kind of relieved though…I live in Boston. I’d have to hear about this thing from the Patriots perspective for two weeks. That might have been unbearable.

Nothing feels as bad as when the Giants lose in the playoffs…when the baseball season is over. And nothing in my sports watching life has been as satisfying as when the Giants won the World Series.

Love the Niners, yeah, but man, I really love baseball!